The Probability of Miracles
by TheMortalCup
Summary: Clary's mom is dying and now she expresses her feeling about it. I couldn't believe it had really happened. It had always been right in front of my eyes, I had always known it was going to happen one day. It felt as if a cord that tied us together had snapped between us, leaving one of us to bear the entire burden. AU. One-shot. Please Review!


_I couldn't believe it had really happened. It had always been right in front of my eyes, I had always known it was going to happen one day. It felt as if a cord that tied us together had snapped between us, leaving one of us to bear the entire burden._

I fumbled with my shirt, the neckline felt too tight, it was suffocating me or maybe it was because I was standing only a few metres away from my mother, my mother who had always been there for me; in the hardest of all times, my mother who was both my mother _and _my father, my mother who had fought every danger that I ever encountered and had fought every battle with me, my mother who was lying on a hospital bed, dying of cancer.

The doctors had given up. There was no hope left; perhaps... a miracle could save her. Except those don't exist.

It is a harsh and cold world. Everything actually is as it looks to the eyes. It is a world where selfishness is the key to success and people don't change.

_Ever. _Period.

These might sound like some pretty depressing words coming from a 13 year old girl. But, probably most 13 year old girls were not like me, depressed and alone, counting my mother's last breaths.

My mom's sickness might have made me weak, physically and emotionally but mentally, it had made me strong and mature, I know everything about the world outside. I know how to deal with those people. Nobody had cared for me and my mother, when she was desperately in need of a job and a place to live. They hadn't cared about us, now _I _don't care about them.

The doctors had admitted my mom in the hospital; they intended to keep her until she died. Huh. They were giving her shelter in the last moments of her life, maybe now she will rest in peace.

I had walked out of the room, shutting the door silently behind me. They had a small library in the hospital. Books were another thing that had kept me going. I would never recommend a person to read a lot of books. Honestly, because you get addicted to them, and it is an extremely dangerous addiction. They give you fake hope, you keep gathering all that hope, store it in your heart and think about it in your mind and then one day you realize that the 'hope' was trapped inside the words and that you cannot get it outside.

The huge beautiful world that you created out of that hope comes crashing down on you. All the dreams you dreamt of the amazing life, blow away like clouds after the rain. And then the harsh Sun comes out when they are gone, the sky clears up of any fragments of your imagination. The truth comes right in front of your eyes. It is crystal clear, you are worse than ever, heartbroken and shocked by what had happened.

That's how life works.

A nurse had come in through the tall doors of the library; she walked over to me. I had know why she was there. I lifted my hand up to stop her from coming any closer. She understood the gesture and also that I had already guessed what had happened. She walked away, leaving me alone.

My mother was gone. Forever. What was I supposed to do now? Cry? Mourn over her? But I couldn't cry, the tears wouldn't come out. I couldn't feel _anything_. I was numb inside out. It was so strange, I didn't want to mourn over her. It was like I didn't care what happened anymore.

As stupid as it sounds, I was still hoping for a miracle to happen, when I said that I didn't believe in them. We all do. Every single one of us. We all grow up, with or without family and then we have a family of our own, or people whom we care for. We live for them, care for them, and love them. A lot of hardships and tragedies come in our way throughout the journey. We always wish for some sort of miracle to happen to save us from all the pain.

It makes sense, we think of 'hope' when we don't want to believe that life sucks. It is human nature, the way of life, we don't want to believe it but it is the ultimate truth. Inevitable. Miracles don't happen.

Whether you know or not, in the end, you lose something. Life is cruel, it makes you work so hard and when you are finally happy and content for once, it tricks you again and ends itself for you.

Life is cold and what I have l learnt so far in this life is that the probability of miracles in this life is zero.


End file.
